Space

Suddenly I'm out there, in space, and one thing which guided all my movements has gone, I am free but at the same time lost.
Well not quite in space, I can feel a gentle tug of gravity, the flavour of freedom looms. The weakness of the gravity becomes a focus and holds me in suspension.

It's a crap analogy, but it came to mind through the word space. I have space, lots of it, and now this is scary. I somehow think that if I had no commitments I would embrace the space and fill it. The commitments are like the weak gravity holding me back. Maybe they are not so weak really. They represent a fear passed through generations. I don't know.

Let's go direct.

I am sitting at home and want to finish off a lot of boring work things.

I also want to get on with other stuff I'm interested.

My hand touches the mouse tablet and the cursor jumps to the top of the text so it's all messed up. I lose my train of thought. It doesn't piss me off anymore. I know all these geeks are morons. I know them because I am one. But it pisses me off anyway. Why the fuck, it's so unnecessary. Just fix it you fuckers.

My mother ends an email with "I will need your help.." An urgency to fill the space before someone else does comes back. I get up and start writing this blog.

But I don't pray.

That is the one thing that may help.

And asking for help.

Asking questions.

Questions are powerful.

Statements are pants.

Especially ones that start "I need...." or ones that start "Especially ones that..."

Sucked into a whirlpool of want.

Be free.